How To Overcome Shame | Vince Miller

Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. — John 8:2-4 I know we are in a devotional series through the Gospel of John, but the story in chapter eight is an excellent moment for a little longer teaching on the topic of shame. We have three people in this text. First, we have a shameless man, that is Jesus. He is threatened by no one and walks right back into a dangerous and life-threatening situation, and shamelessly teaches the truth. Second, we encounter a woman who is ashamed because she has been caught in a sinful situation and is standing undressed before a crowd of people. Third, we have a bunch of self-righteous, judgmental religious elitists who are shaming a woman to make a point that attempts to favor them. Shame is a big issue for men. We have all experienced shame from a variety of angles. We have been ashamed because of sin or sins. Others have intentionally shamed us. We have inflicted shame upon others. We have been ashamed of our beliefs in Jesus. And we have endured personal and private endless cycles of shame. The question is, how do we get beyond it? How do we overcome it? First, let's define what shame is. Shame is a feeling. It is a feeling of distress we experience when we have done something wrong. And that is all it is. A feeling. But for some people, this feeling becomes something more. It escalates into fears that cause cycles of private shame that can be debilitating. They privately ruminate on them in their minds until they become real and gain power over a man's thoughts and even his identity. Now before I get too far ahead of myself, I want to read two verses for you today that will be the backdrop for the points I am going to make. They will help us understand shame and direct us toward overcoming it. The first one is from 1 Corinthians 15:34: Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame. — 1 Corinthians 15:34 So here are five clarifications about shame from the apostle Paul: You should feel shame sometimes because it warns us of sin. You should respond to shame because it tells you to stop sinning. If you don't feel any shame, you could be intoxicated by sin, and you might need a stronger wake-up call. The best wake-up calls come from another Christian brother who can say what needs to be said. Shame has a goal, which is to drive us to the righteousness of God. So this is one side of shame that we have to understand. But here is another side of this experience that we want to get to. It's living in freedom from the shame of sin. Because something compelled Jesus that caused him to live the way he did — shamelessly. So here is another text from the apostle Paul found in 2 Timothy 1:8. He states: Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God. — 2 Timothy 1:8 So there are four clarifications Paul gives us here about shame: We should feel no shame for our beliefs about Jesus. We should feel no shame for testifying about Jesus. If we suffer for these beliefs or testimony, people might shame us, but we should be unashamed. And if we do feel shame for this, it's wrong, and we might need a brother to encourage us to live unashamed. So we have two sides of shame. We have one side of shame that prompts us to move from wrong actions to right actions. And then we have another side that prompts us to live in freedom from shame so we can do God's work. But our problem is we can get both sides of these processes messed up. But where most men get stuck is on the first side of shame. They get stuck on endless cycles of private shame. They become a slave to their feelings of shame. I have seen this happen repeatedly in the spiritual lives of men. Here is how it works. They sin. Then they feel unworthy. Then they ruminate on it for far too long without a right response. Thus the feelings of shame become their penance. They engage in this endless cycle of self-degradation that becomes their penance. And these feelings of sinfulness give them just enough satisfaction that they keep repeating the process. I know men who are exhausted by this. They are emotionally exhausted by the constant feelings of shame. They are exhausted because they have tried for so long with no new results. They are exhausted by positive self-talk, which by the way, doesn't work. Some are so exhausted they give up because they see no way out and decide to give permission to sin.