What do ALL forms of abuse have in common?

In this excerpt from an upcoming episode, professional therapist and longtime friend of the Dojo, Olatunde Howard discusses an often-unrecognized aspect of abuse, and how insidious it can be in church settings. What if the core of abuse isn’t just bruises—but control? In this candid conversation, we unpack how coercion, manipulation, and domination show up in marriages, friendships, workplaces, and even churches—and why many people struggle to discern “safe vs. unsafe.” A licensed therapist explains the difference between occasional anger and persistent verbal/psychological abuse, how trauma fuels hypervigilance, and why healthy relationships preserve agency and freedom. We also explore when pastoral care is helpful, when clinical therapy is needed, and how humility and clear referrals serve Christian discipleship. If you care about biblical teaching that meets real-life pain, this episode connects theology and practice: wise biblical interpretation that resists spiritualized control, the church’s responsibility in cases of church abuse, and a vision of Christian education that promotes agency, consent, boundaries, and healing. This is practical Bible study for shepherds, small-group leaders, and anyone walking with wounded friends—discipleship that is truthful, compassionate, and trauma-aware. About Disciple Dojo: We help followers of Jesus grow through sound biblical teaching, approachable theology, and accessible resources—verse-by-verse studies, interviews, and tools that strengthen everyday Christian discipleship. If this helped you: 👉 Subscribe and tap the bell for new studies and conversations. 👉 Like this video to help others find it. 👉 Comment: What signs of unhealthy control have you seen Christians overlook—and how can the church respond wisely? 👉 Explore our website/podcast in the description for more studies and resources. Stay tuned for the full episode! Relationship posts by Olatunde: * Getting to Know Someone - https://one-eightycounseling.com/getting-to-know-someone/ * How to have an intimate romantic relationship - https://one-eightycounseling.com/how-to-have-an-intimate-romantic-relationship/ * The ONE thing necessary for couples to make it - https://one-eightycounseling.com/the-one-thing-necessary-for-couples-to-make-it/ * Are you too sensitive? - https://one-eightycounseling.com/are-you-too-sensitive/ Olatunde Howard is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Cary, NC. He can be reached at: https://one-eightycounseling.com/olatunde-howard/ ***Disciple Dojo shirts and other gifts are available over in our online store! - https://www.zazzle.com/DiscipleDojo ***Become a monthly Dojo Donor and help keep us going! - https://www.discipledojo.org/donate ***Dojo Donor Patches: If you are a monthly donor and would like an iron-on DiscipleDojo patch, supplies are limited so message JM directly via the contact page at https://www.discipledojo.org/contact ***If you are an unmarried Christian looking for community, check out our Facebook group “The Grownup’s Table” over at www.facebook.com/groups/grownupstable ------ Go deeper at www.discipledojo.org   Subscribe to the Disciple Dojo podcast for more in-depth teaching and discussions:  SoundCloud - https://soundcloud.com/discipledojo   Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/26BDZz70HmnT5eoD9BEKQ7   iTunes - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/disciple-dojo/id1002934837 Amazon - https://tinyurl.com/uz8dbfet